fuck my last post.
the only thing i can say in regards to it... is this:

besides the fact that the girl in question wasn't my "first love"
but yeah fuck that. i will not let a girl who really doesnt care for me anymore ruin my life.
plus the more and more time i spend with the second girl mentioned... the more and more i like her.
but one way or the other.. girls/women/the objects of my affection.. are not worth all the stress that they give me.
whatever.

besides that.. one thing i have learned is that... the less you do with your time.. the less and less you want to do. it's such a vicious cycle sometimes.
but in turn.. im thinking the more and more you do... the more you want to do?
i hope.

yep.