most of the time i don't know what to say,
though i spend most of my time saying it.

i am confused more often than not.
thinking about that which i probably shouldn't.
my brother seems to think im suicidal.
or so he asked me after i wouldn't return his call the other day,
though i will say i left some arguably depressing writings of mine on the computer before i left.
and honestly, i didn't blame him too much..
my actions as of late could be seen as suicidal..
i am pretty depressed, severely anxious, and at times quite hopeless.
yet at the same time it struck me as somewhat odd,
since at times i feel like i have never... been better in my entire life.
i honestly feel like maybe i am losing my mind.
or im just letting an overactive mind get the best of me and focusing on things i shouldn't.
plus i could never kill myself. thats fucking outrageous.
time 4 bed.